08 July 2010

Srsly-WTF: Dr. Puppybreath

So the other day when a few friends and I were shooting some hoops, we noticed a tiny, white, fluffy, cloud looking puppy come running onto the court. Beto was on the court, the puppy runs past him and Beto tweaks his ankle. He falls to the floor in agony clutching his ankle. The puppy sees this and comes to his aid and proceeds to heal him with licks and his puppy breath.

As bad as the injury looked, I couldn't help but laugh because the puppy wouldn't stop.

Oh that Dr. Puppybreath. That's what I named him. Anyhoo, here are a couple of pics.

Dr. Puppybreath going to work on Beto. I'm the white guy in the red shorts.



Oh, I'll get you Dr. Puppybreath. No one hurts my friends and gets away with it. 

07 July 2010

Srsly-WTF: An Even Bigger Question???

Who cares where LeBron signs when you have much BIGGER free agents out there in the world. Which leads me to my next question:

Where in the hell is the Ultimate Warrior going to sign to?

Personally, I think Miami makes sense...it's the only place where he can keep his gnarly tan year round and be out in public without a shirt...and/or pants. Him walking around in Chicago like that would be a bit odd.

Srsly-WTF: What is LeBron the King of?

Without any rings...he obviously isn't the King of the NBA.

King of Dunks? He doesn't ever participate in the dunk contest, even though everyone thinks he should.

He is the King of over hype. Great player, yes...but the King. No.

There is only one King in LeBron's court. And that man is...

Delonte West, for fucking the shit out of LeBron's mom. NO ONE fucks the King's mom. Delonte West did/does....

So, LeBron...you're the King of Cleveland. You replaced Drew Fuckin Carey. Great job.

This is a pic of LeBron trying to recruit Kenan Tompson, the Cryptkeeper and Predator to play with him in Cleveland.

06 July 2010

SRSLY-WTF: Thought of the day: "Cool License Plate"

Someone should get this vanity plate on their vehicle. No, not Magic Johnson. Just some douche in a Corvette.

I would get this just for the mere fact that people, if they really thought about it, would realize that there are 5 other cars with the HIV license plate causing me to get one saying "HIV 6" for my car.

Yeah, stay back away from my car bitches.

12 January 2010

Srsly-WTF: Real-ality TV....uh....

First and foremost...I don't consider myself to be an aficionado when it comes to outstanding TV choices....

But, srsly??? Do TV Execs believe that there are that many dumb fucking people to believe that these shows are NOT scripted? Sure, I think you'd like to believe that Heidi & Spencer just conveniently walk into the same fucking club as Lauren, EVERY FUCKING NIGHT...assuming she won't be there. They don't live in Plungerville, Iowa, where there is one barn that every college-aged kid can walk in, grab a beer and swap spit with their cousin(s). Hell, why don't they have a show about hicks and their way of life..?

VH1 Presents: Jimbo & DooDan: In-B-Ready for Love. 

THIS IS NOT REALITY. People WILL act differently when cameras are around, even people not in the shot that just happen to be in the vicinity of a show being filmed. Don't you think a fuck load of people would want to go try to hang out with the cast of the Real World, if they were hanging out at a bar? You never see that shit.

No relevance to this blog, I just really hate this guy.

Man vs. Wild fucked this up for me. Two entertaining things: a guy drinking his own urine, check; squeezing fluids out of feces to stay hydrated, check. But to tell me that this fucker can't stay outside during the night and sometimes lodges in the confines of a comfy, nearby Holiday Inn... you son of a bitch, how dare you? I've seen this before...it was called "2 Girls 1 Cup". At least those sick sluts were naked. As far as survival skills, it was an entertaining way of thinking of how to prolong/quickly end my life, if my plane wrecked whenever I take that trip to the Andes mountains that  I had been saving up for, but it lost its gusto when I discovered he was in the comfort of silk sheets w/ free continental breakfast, to survive.

NEVER, EVER in a million years would I feel the need to eat rotting feces stuffed inside a 2-month-old beaver corpse to survive...but some people might find that appealing, I guess...

I'm looking at you, Luke Wilson...

"Luke Wilson only signed on to do the AT&T commercials 'cause he thought Blackberries were edible." - Gary Busey

Any show w/ a "C" list celebrity trying to find love: NOT GONNA HAPPEN! EVER. Stop watching this shit. The only thing that this is good for are for the "celebrities" themselves, to try to get as much beaten-up, overused pussy as they can; the slutty bitches doing slutty shit, to try to land their own god-awful show; and Dr. Drew, because he will get the trickled-down pussy from Ray J, Bret Michaels & Flavor Flav to try to prove to the world that he is NOT gay.


Just sayin'.

Reality TV is nothing but a money-making machine that tries to capitalize on cheap, wannabe actors that want their 15 minutes. It's entertaining, don't get me wrong, but to believe that it's more realistic than say....professional wrestling, you'd have to be fucking retarded. It's one in the fucking same. "Uh...wrestling has nothing but muscle-bound, over-tanned douche bags, beating down each other" - Yep, isn't that the same premise as the Jersey Shore?

The true Fist Pump Champion....of theeeee WORLD.

and yes.....he banged Snooki.

26 December 2009

Srsly-WTF: New Year's Resolutions

I'm not a firm believer on trying to change yourself just because it's a new year...

If you really, really need that as motivation to change something that everyone hates about you, just stop and David Carridine yourself (FATALITY). Change because you want too. Not because other people want you too. You're setting yourself up for failure and everyone that wants you to change, is betting against you that you'll still remain the heartless prick that everyone hates.

So save everyone the trouble and make your resolution be that, "In the year 2010, I vow to get 1 year older". Unless you die, you'll win. And if you do die, at least the rest of your friends will absolutely know for sure that you CANNOT keep, to doing anything right. See ya in hell, suckers.

The thing I hate about the holidays is all the pointless shit people do. Example: Getting 42 texts saying, "Merry Christmas". Is that really suppose to brighten my day? A fucking forward that every, lazy, pretend friend sends as well wishings for the holiday? That's worse than receiving a fruit cake from some non existent family member. So if you're that guy, vow in 2010 to not do that. I'd rather not have a message from you, so I can assume your dead and not have to worry about sending that fruit cake to your parents house.

"Ooo....Did someone say....cake.......and dick?"

 This also applies to those who accomplish this on Facebook, MySpace or any other social type of networking thing...

which comes to people who update online status' in the 1st Person.

"Generic Named Person thinks masterbating with mayonaise is phenomenal. " Don't do that, (no...not the beating off with mayo part, I heard it's divine). I'm sure people already assume, that you are personally updating your status, with your own thoughts. I would want to believe that there aren't dumbfuck people who have to question if your update was about you, or if those thoughts happen to be of some random person but I've been proven wrong before. You're not, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

The only people who can get away with this are the mentally handicapped kids back in high school that thought they were WWE wrestlers. Why, they would have a Facebook, I dunno. I'm sure their updates would be, "Danny Chonger lkjsssl; jksljd poop cookys hhH the gme tim 2 pay teh gme". 

But nevertheless, they would have insane battles with each other at lunch and challenge any other MHMR kids to title matches.  And if that didn't squash their beef, they would go to the restroom to have Penis Sword Fights. True story.

Douchebag McGee is climbing a big piece of shit named, the Rock.

People that should never change are: Cholos, Guidos, Juggalos and people that wear Ed Hardy. I say this because if you ever need someone to make fun of, there's always one of them around.

Whitest looking black dudes ever.

 No explanation needed.

See ya's in the 2010 people. Be safe.

08 December 2009

Srsly-WTF: Shit That Should Not Be on ESPN.

There are a billion sports in the world...actual sports...

So I don't get when ESPN, my beloved ESPN, decides to waste my life with programs that require ZERO athletic ability from it's participants. Much less have 4 or 5 shows dedicated to this crap!

ANYTHING NASCAR/AUTO RACING/VEHICLES: There is nothing sadder than any person actually considering this as an actual sport. Much less, any person willing to pay hundreds of dollars to go to the track, sit for 4 hours, stare at 30 cars, doing the same thing...over and over again. "Yeah, but it's exciting because of the crashes." Well if you like shit like that, go hang out with Tiger, Moesha or any asian woman.

I suppose stupid concepts appeal to the stupid, inbred people.

If for some reason, you get a NASCAR leather jacket from me for Christmas, that means I really hate you and consider you a waste of life.

POKER: Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy gambling. I just don't need to sit and watch douchebags playing for 2 hours. On the other hand, dogs playing poker.... that totally rules.

Fuckin' cheating bulldog is hiding a card!!! Michael Vick doesn't like cheaters.

Finally, Lou Holtz should not be on ANY TV anymore. Lou, who are you trying to fool with your colored hair, dentures, saggy zombie-esque skin and radioactive colored tan. I'm sure he is a fantastic great, great, great, great, great, great grandpa, but man...HDTV is no friend to Lou.

I can't look at him without thinking he is about to die. I don't want to listen to him because he has more saliva in his mouth than Sylvester the Cat. Blah, anyone that can say that they are almost 2 centuries old shouldn't be on television. If I want your insight Lou, I'll ask you how Moses was and why Cane was such a dick to his brother. I'll ask about Pangaea and how long it took you to travel continents once the great split occurred.

And I say this with the utmost respect to Lou Holtz, I just have more respect for my eyes.